Present, but perhaps not accounted for.

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I'm still here! Thanks, by the way, brandywine421, for the nudge (I didn't know they had that sort of thing in Live Journal), and Beachtree for the email! I've been sick, traumatized, and blocked, although not necessarily in that order, but have still occasionally lurked, albeit silently. I've certainly missed being on line and writing.

Thanks for the invite, Wishweaver, and sorry I haven't been much of a participant. I love what you've done!

So... I'm still pushing forward with my fics - no orphans here, just latchkey kids.

I just wanted to give an update to all you kind peeps - sorry for the disappearance act. Expect more fic, and more comments. I've missed you all, and come bearing cookies! ::mwah::

For woodsong_1978, who gave a sentence as a prompt that intrigued me enough to write a tiny cookie about it. For Firefly. With spoilers for the BDM, one curse word and hints of slash.

I know, I know, yet another fandom to be obsessed about. Speaking of which, if this is the real deal, how cool would it be?

Firefly - Season 2

Here's the cookie - Firefly Cookie:

The Competition (from woodsong_1978's sentence:)

“It’s not some sort of competition, Simon, with him as the prize.”

“What are you talking about, Inara?”

“I’m not the competition.”

“I never thought you were,” Simon replied as he gathered up the bloody bandages, turning his gloves inside out to throw the ball of waste neatly into the bin.

“Does Kaylee know yet?” she asked gently, settling onto the infirmary bunk like she was planning to stay a while, and damn if Simon didn’t want to take her by her slim shoulders and toss her from the room himself.

“This is not a conversation I’m comfortable having with you,” Simon said between clenched teeth. He’d just gotten back from helping the captain to his bunk - the man was obsessed with not feeling dependent or weak – and was just beginning to get his own composure back.

“Did you know we slept together?” Inara asked after a pause, and that did stop Simon dead in his tracks, all thoughts of putting the infirmary back in order pushed aside.

“What?!” Simon asked, and hated how his voice trembled. Inara smiled, her glossy lips pulled tight into what could have been described as a half grimace. It was the most honest expression, he realized, he’d ever seen her make.

“It was after Miranda… We’d only been back in the black for a week or so when I caught him prowling the ship. I don’t know how he functions on so little sleep,” Inara said, and shook her head distractedly.

“Why are you telling me this?” Simon asked, completely unmasked by this side of Inara. It was like he was meeting her for the first time – the real woman and not the Companion.

“I’m leaving,” she said.

“Again?” Simon couldn’t help but ask. She laughed a little, then.

“I deserve that,” she agreed, and looked up at Simon with raw eyes. Eyes that weren't hiding anything.

“For good, this time,” she said, and pulled at her robes until they lay neatly across her legs without any wrinkles. He realized it was habit now – this wasn’t preening. This was Inara keeping her hands busy.

“It’s not going to work?” Simon asked, bewilderment and confusion mixing with something he refused to examine too closely.

“It was our way of saying good-bye,” she said softly.

“But that was months ago. What happened?” Simon asked, then flinched at his own lack of tact. “I’m sorry,” he immediately apologized, embarrassed. “Don’t answer that – I have no business asking it.”

“He needs more than I can give. More than I want to give. And he deserves better,” she said, waving away his apology absently. “We both knew it – I think we always have – but we wanted to be sure. This is why we’ve been heading back towards Core space. I’m leaving at Persephone.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Simon asked because he had to, even though he didn’t really want to know the answer.

“Because I’ve seen your face, when no one’s looking. When he’s hurt, or he’s doing something pathetically noble and completely idiotic, and I know what it means, Simon, because I’ve been trained to see the signs. They’ve been there for a long time now, and I should have never let it get as far as I did,” she says and clenches her hands together until her knuckles are white.

“Never let what get it as far as it did?” Simon asked, because she lost him at the end of that statement.

“He’s Zoë’s partner, River’s daddy, Jayne’s alpha, Kaylee’s protective uncle… What is he to you?”

“He’s my Captain,” Simon responded automatically.

“Does Kaylee know?” Inara asked again.

“She figured it out before me, actually,” Simon replied finally, reluctantly, running a hand through his hair roughly once he realized there was no way of dancing away from this conversation.

“She’s okay about it?” Inara pressed.

“Welll, I wouldn’t exactly say that,” Simon replied with a shake of the head, but still managed to smile a little. He raised his eyebrows as he met her eyes. “She was hurt at first, but when she figured out that I was still pretty deep in denial too, she took it upon herself to educate me in the ways of why it’s okay to be sly.”

“Goodness, I’m sorry to have missed those talks. I suspect they were educational,” Inara said and actually giggled. Simon smiled, too, even while he blushed brightly.

“Yeah, well, ask River about them. Turns out she was paying real careful attention.”

“No!” Inara laughed with wide eyes, looking both scandalized and amused.

“I’m glad you find this entertaining,” Simon said, but realized he wasn’t as mortified about it as he probably should have been.

“She’s a reader, Simon, and it’s not like there hasn’t been sex to be had on Serenity,” Inara explained with a shrug, then flinched.

“What is it?” Simon asked.

“I was just remembering how affectionate Zoë and Wash used to be,” she elaborated softly.

Zoë hadn’t been the same – still wasn’t – and seeing how the Captain interacted with her left Simon in awe. To *see* how they did it – how they kept putting each other back together again piece by tiny piece - made Simon realize that their relationship was far more complex than he’d ever dreamt. The Captain was far more complicated than he’d ever imagined. Poor Wash… No wonder he’d had such a hard time being comfortable with Mal.

Of course, that line of thought inevitably led to other things. Things he’d forced himself months ago to stop thinking about it. He’d found it impossible to reconcile the pain of losing Wash and the Shepard with the knowledge that - even knowing the price - he’d do it again.

“I’ve never considered you competition, Inara, and the Captain certainly is no prize,” Simon finally replied, bringing his attention fully back to the woman sitting in front of him.

“I know this conversation is a bit premature, but then, I’m leaving, so it was either now or never,” she admitted with a shrug.

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me,” Simon stated, although it was meant as a question.

“All we ever did was tear each other apart,” Inara admitted, and Simon realized her eyes sparkled a little extra bright in the infirmary lights. “But you put him back together.”

“Because I’m his doctor,” Simon agreed.

“Because you’re his healer,” Inara corrected.

“Do you think I’ve been jealous of you?” Simon confronted.

“Haven’t you?” Inara asked.

“No,” Simon replied, but Inara’s eyes probed into the places normally only River ever saw, and he had to force himself not to fidget under her calm gaze.

“Then how did Kaylee figure it out? Please, Simon, now is not the time for polite society to dominate our conversation. We know each other better than that. I’ve seen the way your eyes burn when you think no one is watching. He’s been healing you, too – showing you who else you are other than Simon Tam the trauma surgeon and River’s brother.”

“What do you want?” Simon asked, conceding defeat by not arguing with her. Inara nodded in satisfaction.

“I wanted to tell you he cares for you too, perhaps even like that. The Captain’s never been one to quibble with where love comes from – be it male or female – although he tends to lean towards the female persuasion. I think he finds women a bit baffling,” Inara admitted, her lips curling up in an amused smile for a moment before meeting Simon’s eyes and continuing.

“Decide what you need from your relationship soon, Simon, and don’t hesitate if you decided he’s really what you want,” Inara said with an intensity Simon only rarely witnessed in the normally composed Companion.

“What’s the rush, Inara? It’s been six months since Miranda. Is it because you’re leaving? Do you think he’ll do something foolish?” Simon asked, because for the life of him, he still didn’t understand what Inara was trying to tell him, although she was making him begin to fear for the Captain.

He’d kept his feelings carefully hidden, he’d thought, although each day more and more of him desperately wanted to reach out to the pig-headed, obstinate, caring man he’d come to realize meant far more to him than Captain. Far more, even, than a friend.

“Because although I was never your competition, once I’m gone, River might be.”">

Comments

[brandywine421.livejournal.com]

The nudge is something new they've started. Hope I didn't offend, I just missed seeing you around. Hopefully your RL is okay.

I love Firefly. I'm in the middle of work (which I actually have to do this time) so can't give you in depth feedback...but I did enjoy what I skimmed so far.

“Because although I was never your competition, once I’m gone, River might be River/Mal is my most favorite Firefly OTP. I *heart* them. And even though I get the gist that you're more Simon/Mal here, the final line still made me squee a little in my mouth.

[quillscribe.livejournal.com]

Oh, no, you didn't offend at all! I was tickled, actually!

RL is better now, for me at least, although it's rough for the rest of my family right now. *sighs* It's a looooong story, involving health scares (all's okay), separation (not me), and a river named Denial. ;-)

Ironically, I'm a total Mal/River shipper. That's my favorite (although Mal/Kaylee is a close second) - I took on the sentence challenge because it intrigued me, and I didn't know if I *could* make it plausible. It's not like they had chemistry in canon - at least I didn't think so. He was far too involved with River's well-being.

*hehehehe* Yeah, I confess that I'm rooting for River, too. They strike me as far more alike, and more capable of healing each other. :-D Thanks for the comments. I see I've got a *lot* of your fic to catch up on, you angst-queen you! *squees happily*

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... and btw - *hugs your icon* Love Mal! :-D

[brandywine421.livejournal.com]

Oh, you have to write lots and lots of River/Mal for me. Lots.

Here's my recent Firefly fic attempt: http://brandywine421.livejournal.com/173370.html#cutid1 At the end is a great site for working with the Chinese slang from the show and movie, helps with "writing" the slang out.

I really liked where you described who Mal was to every member of the crew. He really does fill so many roles.

[quillscribe.livejournal.com]

*laughs* I don't know about lots - I'm just trying to get over my weird writing panic attack, but I can certainly write something!!! It sounds like fun, and I certainly can't seem to get enough Firefly right now (I watched the whole series, plus the movie in just a few days, and... Wow!)

I can't get to your link, though, it says I don't have permission. I'd love to read it, though! *blinks hopefully* :-D

It was interesting to think about what Mal is for everyone. Jayne cracked me up when I realized. ;-) And River - although she calls him Daddy... It's more like they have a connection that even Simon doesn't, most likely because Mal accepts her as she is.

Oh, hell, let's face it - having those two BDH staring at each other at the end of Serenity - there was no missing the sparks then! :-D

[brandywine421.livejournal.com]

Yup, that final scene is what really set me off on my River/Mal obsession.

Try the link now. It's unlocked. I'd love to see if you think it's worth continuing but I'm not that good at writing Whedon stuff. My Buffy fics never captured the banter I needed it to.

[quillscribe.livejournal.com]

Oooh! Love it! I'll definitely comment more on the specifics, but I especially love that they had to take Mal out for Simon to even look him over, and what that meant. The new dynamics between River and Mal also set the scene nicely! More comments to come, but just wanted to quickly thank you for unlocking it.

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Hey, long time no read ... who are you again? :-)

Bleh. Yuck. Grmmph. Why did you see a need to have either Simon or Mal (*MAL*, of all (he-man, macho) people!) have homosexual tendencies? I can't see it, don't want to see it, and don't think there's a chance in hell it's there to see, thank Gosh.

Frankly I'd hope that Mal would be too 'noble' to do anything with River, although if *she* was inclined to have her way - with her brains and abilities - I'd say no man would be safe. I can see a whole series of possible vignettes with 'River sets trap for man XXX, and man XXX just barely escapes' plots possible in the Firefly universe.

Loved the bit about Mal and Zoe putting themselves back together, piece by piece. Glad your real life has improved, nice to see you again!

[quillscribe.livejournal.com]

Howdy! It *has* been too long!

I disturbed you, huh? Cool. ;-) Actually, I don't see it either, that's why I thought to give it a try. That's what The O.C. story was about as well - I've done so much HP ff and know their voices so intimately... I had to make sure it wasn't a fluke. That I can do any voices I like (within reason).

Ah, for River at the age she currently is, certainly, but that won't always be the case. Mal's character is so fractured that I have no problem seeing he and River working well as a couple. Sadly, I have the hard time with Inara. *shrugs*

Hmmm... But who would man XXX be? A villain or good guy? What kind of trap? Because I suspect any traps River sets will be pretty inescapable. ;-) Remember, she makes Simon look like a dummy, and he's top three percent (OMG I have seen entirely too much of this series, haven't I? *g*).

Glad you enjoyed it a little, even if it squicked you. Thanks as always for reading. ATLB is still in the works, honest! Good to hear from you! Take care!

[wishweaver.livejournal.com]

Hey!

Sorry to hear you've had a bad time of it lately. Group's there when you're ready. No great rush. Fun, though. :-D

Firefly, eh? Unfortunately I find myself in the same boat I was in with your OC stuff. nightwolfwriter found the series on sale and bought the first season, but he's loaned it out at the moment. *shakes head* Still, as with the other, even with no knowledge of the series, I read and followed reasonably well. You have a great set of writing chops, and I'm going to keep telling you that until you believe me. ;-)

Oh, that reminds me. I have a great Firefly spoof on the CD with the Star Wars spoofs I was supposed to send you a million years ago. *facepalm* I'll put it on my list right under sending out Christmas cards. *cringe, makes note, wonders if MP3 files can be e-mailed...*

Cheers,

Wish

[quillscribe.livejournal.com]

Howdy!

*shrugs* All in all, I survived, and it wasn't so bad... All grist for the writing mill, right? ;-)

*laughs* I'm addicted to that show. It's awesome. You know me and angsty characters - I'm a total softie!

Well, Joss Whedon did Angel and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and I have to confess that while I didn't give Firefly the time of day while it was on, I should have known better.

I saw the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie long ago, and lordy was it bad. With Pee Wee Herman and Rutger Hauer (his B movies can't take away from Blade Runner and Ladyhawk)... It definitely was a terrific concept poorly executed - but with so much potential.

I watched the first episode of BtVS the series with morbid curiosity and have to confess, I got hooked from the start!

Since then I've been a fan of his (Joss Whedon and Aaron Sorkin are definitely my fav tv writers), but even then... A western in space? But those characters!!!! So yes, I'm a fan, albeit after the fact.

Well, the Firefly spoof sure sounds fun, as does the Star Wars ones, but no worry about time frames. I can relate. My road to hell has always been paved with good intentions, so you're welcome to join me on the way. *g*

It's great to hear from you! Talk to you soon!
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[erised1810.livejournal.com]

yay!! adn wta strang timing since i ws thinkign of nudging o uout of it as well. good to see yo uback again.

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Hi! Yeah, I'd never even heard of the 'nudge', but think it's a delightful little thing, and proved to be just the thing I needed to get off my duff! Thank you!!! *beams* Good to hear from you!

Wow!

[vae]

I only just saw this, and it's really good! I honestly don't know where I was thinking that line might go, but you picked it up and took it somewhere I never guessed it could go (cos I really don't get Mal/River personally).

You definitely made Mal/Simon convincing. Thankyou.

Re: Wow!

[quillscribe.livejournal.com]

*heaves a sigh of relief*

I've been really enjoying your 'Trust' storyline and was toodling through catching up on fics when your sentence challenge captured my imagination.

Thanks for reading it. It felt weird to make it about something completely different, but wanted to see if I could make it work.

By the way, you broke my heart with the Reavers story. Can't wait to see where your story goes! Glad you enjoyed the cookie, and thanks for commenting! :-D