Present, but perhaps not accounted for.

[quillscribe]

I'm still here! Thanks, by the way, brandywine421, for the nudge (I didn't know they had that sort of thing in Live Journal), and Beachtree for the email! I've been sick, traumatized, and blocked, although not necessarily in that order, but have still occasionally lurked, albeit silently. I've certainly missed being on line and writing.

Thanks for the invite, Wishweaver, and sorry I haven't been much of a participant. I love what you've done!

So... I'm still pushing forward with my fics - no orphans here, just latchkey kids.

I just wanted to give an update to all you kind peeps - sorry for the disappearance act. Expect more fic, and more comments. I've missed you all, and come bearing cookies! ::mwah::

For woodsong_1978, who gave a sentence as a prompt that intrigued me enough to write a tiny cookie about it. For Firefly. With spoilers for the BDM, one curse word and hints of slash.

I know, I know, yet another fandom to be obsessed about. Speaking of which, if this is the real deal, how cool would it be?

Firefly - Season 2

Here's the cookie - Firefly Cookie:

The Competition (from woodsong_1978's sentence:)

“It’s not some sort of competition, Simon, with him as the prize.”

“What are you talking about, Inara?”

“I’m not the competition.”

“I never thought you were,” Simon replied as he gathered up the bloody bandages, turning his gloves inside out to throw the ball of waste neatly into the bin.

“Does Kaylee know yet?” she asked gently, settling onto the infirmary bunk like she was planning to stay a while, and damn if Simon didn’t want to take her by her slim shoulders and toss her from the room himself.

“This is not a conversation I’m comfortable having with you,” Simon said between clenched teeth. He’d just gotten back from helping the captain to his bunk - the man was obsessed with not feeling dependent or weak – and was just beginning to get his own composure back.

“Did you know we slept together?” Inara asked after a pause, and that did stop Simon dead in his tracks, all thoughts of putting the infirmary back in order pushed aside.

“What?!” Simon asked, and hated how his voice trembled. Inara smiled, her glossy lips pulled tight into what could have been described as a half grimace. It was the most honest expression, he realized, he’d ever seen her make.

“It was after Miranda… We’d only been back in the black for a week or so when I caught him prowling the ship. I don’t know how he functions on so little sleep,” Inara said, and shook her head distractedly.

“Why are you telling me this?” Simon asked, completely unmasked by this side of Inara. It was like he was meeting her for the first time – the real woman and not the Companion.

“I’m leaving,” she said.

“Again?” Simon couldn’t help but ask. She laughed a little, then.

“I deserve that,” she agreed, and looked up at Simon with raw eyes. Eyes that weren't hiding anything.

“For good, this time,” she said, and pulled at her robes until they lay neatly across her legs without any wrinkles. He realized it was habit now – this wasn’t preening. This was Inara keeping her hands busy.

“It’s not going to work?” Simon asked, bewilderment and confusion mixing with something he refused to examine too closely.

“It was our way of saying good-bye,” she said softly.

“But that was months ago. What happened?” Simon asked, then flinched at his own lack of tact. “I’m sorry,” he immediately apologized, embarrassed. “Don’t answer that – I have no business asking it.”

“He needs more than I can give. More than I want to give. And he deserves better,” she said, waving away his apology absently. “We both knew it – I think we always have – but we wanted to be sure. This is why we’ve been heading back towards Core space. I’m leaving at Persephone.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Simon asked because he had to, even though he didn’t really want to know the answer.

“Because I’ve seen your face, when no one’s looking. When he’s hurt, or he’s doing something pathetically noble and completely idiotic, and I know what it means, Simon, because I’ve been trained to see the signs. They’ve been there for a long time now, and I should have never let it get as far as I did,” she says and clenches her hands together until her knuckles are white.

“Never let what get it as far as it did?” Simon asked, because she lost him at the end of that statement.

“He’s Zoë’s partner, River’s daddy, Jayne’s alpha, Kaylee’s protective uncle… What is he to you?”

“He’s my Captain,” Simon responded automatically.

“Does Kaylee know?” Inara asked again.

“She figured it out before me, actually,” Simon replied finally, reluctantly, running a hand through his hair roughly once he realized there was no way of dancing away from this conversation.

“She’s okay about it?” Inara pressed.

“Welll, I wouldn’t exactly say that,” Simon replied with a shake of the head, but still managed to smile a little. He raised his eyebrows as he met her eyes. “She was hurt at first, but when she figured out that I was still pretty deep in denial too, she took it upon herself to educate me in the ways of why it’s okay to be sly.”

“Goodness, I’m sorry to have missed those talks. I suspect they were educational,” Inara said and actually giggled. Simon smiled, too, even while he blushed brightly.

“Yeah, well, ask River about them. Turns out she was paying real careful attention.”

“No!” Inara laughed with wide eyes, looking both scandalized and amused.

“I’m glad you find this entertaining,” Simon said, but realized he wasn’t as mortified about it as he probably should have been.

“She’s a reader, Simon, and it’s not like there hasn’t been sex to be had on Serenity,” Inara explained with a shrug, then flinched.

“What is it?” Simon asked.

“I was just remembering how affectionate Zoë and Wash used to be,” she elaborated softly.

Zoë hadn’t been the same – still wasn’t – and seeing how the Captain interacted with her left Simon in awe. To *see* how they did it – how they kept putting each other back together again piece by tiny piece - made Simon realize that their relationship was far more complex than he’d ever dreamt. The Captain was far more complicated than he’d ever imagined. Poor Wash… No wonder he’d had such a hard time being comfortable with Mal.

Of course, that line of thought inevitably led to other things. Things he’d forced himself months ago to stop thinking about it. He’d found it impossible to reconcile the pain of losing Wash and the Shepard with the knowledge that - even knowing the price - he’d do it again.

“I’ve never considered you competition, Inara, and the Captain certainly is no prize,” Simon finally replied, bringing his attention fully back to the woman sitting in front of him.

“I know this conversation is a bit premature, but then, I’m leaving, so it was either now or never,” she admitted with a shrug.

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me,” Simon stated, although it was meant as a question.

“All we ever did was tear each other apart,” Inara admitted, and Simon realized her eyes sparkled a little extra bright in the infirmary lights. “But you put him back together.”

“Because I’m his doctor,” Simon agreed.

“Because you’re his healer,” Inara corrected.

“Do you think I’ve been jealous of you?” Simon confronted.

“Haven’t you?” Inara asked.

“No,” Simon replied, but Inara’s eyes probed into the places normally only River ever saw, and he had to force himself not to fidget under her calm gaze.

“Then how did Kaylee figure it out? Please, Simon, now is not the time for polite society to dominate our conversation. We know each other better than that. I’ve seen the way your eyes burn when you think no one is watching. He’s been healing you, too – showing you who else you are other than Simon Tam the trauma surgeon and River’s brother.”

“What do you want?” Simon asked, conceding defeat by not arguing with her. Inara nodded in satisfaction.

“I wanted to tell you he cares for you too, perhaps even like that. The Captain’s never been one to quibble with where love comes from – be it male or female – although he tends to lean towards the female persuasion. I think he finds women a bit baffling,” Inara admitted, her lips curling up in an amused smile for a moment before meeting Simon’s eyes and continuing.

“Decide what you need from your relationship soon, Simon, and don’t hesitate if you decided he’s really what you want,” Inara said with an intensity Simon only rarely witnessed in the normally composed Companion.

“What’s the rush, Inara? It’s been six months since Miranda. Is it because you’re leaving? Do you think he’ll do something foolish?” Simon asked, because for the life of him, he still didn’t understand what Inara was trying to tell him, although she was making him begin to fear for the Captain.

He’d kept his feelings carefully hidden, he’d thought, although each day more and more of him desperately wanted to reach out to the pig-headed, obstinate, caring man he’d come to realize meant far more to him than Captain. Far more, even, than a friend.

“Because although I was never your competition, once I’m gone, River might be.”">