quillscribe (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
quillscribe) wrote2006-03-27 09:30 pm
quillscribe) wrote2006-03-27 09:30 pm
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Skeletons in the Closet installment
It's been a long time since I posted any of my O.C. fic. Lots of people have been asking if I'm still writing it, and in answer I figured it might be nice just to post what I've got, even though it isn't what I envisioned the whole chapter to be.
So, here is at least part of chapter 4, and might end up being all of it for now, even though it's a little short. I hope you enjoy! Thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
helen_c and beachtree (who's been asking since January - that's how slow I am! *g* ) for reminding me you're still waiting, and thanks brandywine421 for the table info and the help! Cheers!
Skeletons in the Closet - Chapter 4
“Hello? Dad? I’m still with him,” were the first things Seth said when he finally called in about an hour later.
“Why didn’t you call sooner?” Sandy asked after heaving a sigh of relief. The fact that Ryan had allowed Seth to stick with him said a lot, especially considering the state he’d left the house in.
Sandy had finally gotten rid of the F.B.I. agents after extracting as much information out of them as he could – not that they’d given him a lot to go on. The moment they left, he’d also called the private investigator he’d hired with a whole new list of priorities and a scheduled meeting for the next day to bring him up to speed.
“How is he?” Sandy asked his son as he ran a hand through his hair anxiously, scrubbing at his scalp absently in distracted frustration. He’d been trying Seth’s phone every ten minutes for the last hour, all the while thumbing restlessly through the folders he’d pulled from his safe. Included were all the reports from Child Services and all Sandy had received on Ryan when he still worked in the public defender’s offices. He kept trying to find clues that he must have missed when he’d first looked through them.
“I… I don’t know. He puked a lot at first, but he seems to be better now. Don’t tell mom, but he bought a couple of packs of cigarettes and seems content to try to smoke them all in one night.”
“Where are they?” Kirsten asked from the doorway. Of course she’d overheard him talking to Seth.
“Where are you?” Sandy asked into the phone.
“We’re down at the pier right now,” Seth answered, and Sandy repeated for his wife.
“It’s raining, Sandy, and it’s been cold all day. They shouldn’t be out in this,” Kirsten said. When Sandy began to repeat her words, Seth interrupted.
“I heard. Trust me, I’m trying.” His conversation was stilted, and Sandy realized Seth was being careful not to say too much because Ryan was still within earshot.
“Should we come down?” Sandy asked then frowned when he realized Kirsten was already putting on a raincoat and pulling the cinch tight at her waist.
“I don’t know, dad, he’s…” Seth began softly, but was cut off when Kirsten took the phone out of Sandy’s hand.
“We’re on our way. Don’t move,” Kirsten said, staring into Sandy’s eyes. He nodded and grabbed a jacket of his own. The Kirsten was making executive decisions again, and he was grateful for it, as he had no idea how to approach Ryan at the moment.
“Mom, he’s really jumpy, and…” Sandy could hear Seth begin to try to warn, but his mother broke in.
“It’s okay, honey. You’re doing great, and I know he’s probably smoking. We’ll be there to get you both in just a few minutes,” she said and hung the phone up.
Sandy had already grabbed the car keys and Kirsten’s purse by the time she handed the phone back to him. As they both headed towards the garage, she paused to pull a couple of beach towels from the dryer. She’d even thought to warm the towels. He was impressed.
“While you were talking to those men, I was making some calls of my own,” Kirsten announced as she slid into the passenger seat with the towels folded and sitting on her lap. Sandy started the engine up and backed out quickly. The sound of the wipers against the windshield oddly reminded him of New York.
“And?” Sandy prompted as he shifted into gear and drove to the pier. Even though it was just a few blocks away, it was miserable outside and poor Seth was undoubtedly hating every minute of it.
“We start interviewing therapists for Ryan tomorrow,” she said. He cringed at the thought.
Too many things were hitting Ryan at once, and he feared there’d come a point where Ryan stopped being a willing participant and shut everyone out completely. He’d done it before, to a lesser degree, with Oliver. He’d stopped trying to talk, stopped trying to explain, and just let all their words roll over him. Sandy refused to let that happen again.
The thing was, he’d seen Ryan in a variety of circumstances, but he’d never seen him this… Devastated. This vulnerable. And unfortunately, while the F.B.I. may have had a lot of information about bodies in a basement and the kids that had lived in that house in Fresno, virtually no light was being shed on what had happened there, and just what Ryan might know about it.
“There they are,” Kirsten said, patting Sandy’s arm and then pointing directly ahead. He didn’t even bother trying to find a parking spot; just left the car running with the heater turned up in the fire lane out front. He angled the Lexus so that the headlights illuminated the two boys clearly. He wanted nothing Ryan might reveal in his expressions hidden away by shadows. They needed all the help they could get trying to read him at this point.
Seth stood, bouncing on the balls of his feet a short distance behind Ryan, who was perched on the pier railings with his legs dangling off the edge. Kirsten’s breath hitched, and Sandy immediately reached out and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze as they approached them.
“Seth didn’t sound concerned, honey. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about,” he said.
“Ryan?” Kirsten called out as they drew closer.
Sandy watched Ryan quickly flick his cigarette over the side; as if she couldn’t see it. He couldn’t help but give a small smile at that. Kirsten missed nothing. Seth waved at them, and Sandy smiled wider as he took a good look at his son – soaking wet and utterly relieved to see his parents. It wasn’t something Seth revealed often, but made his heart swell each time he saw it.
“Hey,” Ryan said with a raspy voice, making Sandy cringe as it brought back too many memories of the first few days after he’d been released from the hospital, after Trey.
“Come on, sweetie,” she said, and reached out a hand as she approached Ryan.
Her steps weren’t hesitant, but Sandy could still see the anxiety in her movements as she tried to connect with her foster son. Sandy took off his coat and draped it around Seth’s shoulders. His son was visibly shivering in a drenched long sleeve shirt that hung heavily off of his frame. Seth took the coat gratefully from his dad and even allowed Sandy to hug him briefly as they both turned to watch Kirsten in action.
“Man, I’m glad to see you guys,” Seth whispered.
“We figured you could use the assist,” Sandy said quietly back. Seth shook his head wearily.
“Yeah, I’m completely out of my element with this. I mean, what the hell is going on?” he asked.
“A lot of this you’re going to need to get from Ryan, but trust me when I say that knowing what’s going on won’t help with this,” Sandy said and nodded towards his wife.
“Can you at least tell me what those guys want with Ryan?” Seth asked in a hushed voice.
“They think he may know something that could help them solve a crime,” Sandy replied then gripped Seth’s arm briefly in warning. “Let’s not talk about this right now, okay?”
“Right-o,” Seth said, then turned to face his dad directly. “Dad?”
“Yes?” Sandy asked, focusing his full attention on Seth. He looked like they’d just fished him out of the sea - his lips were trembling slightly, and Sandy realized it was because his teeth were chattering. He began to rub his hands up and down Seth’s arms to try to warm him up. This weather was bizarre. It was still summer, so where did the cold snap come from? He missed the days of El Nino. At least it was warm then.
“It’s pretty bad, isn’t it?”
“I’m pretty sure it is.”
“And it doesn’t have anything to do with Trey?” Seth pushed. Sandy shook his head and shot a glance at Ryan. Seth nodded reluctantly and turned to watch his mother. Ryan had taken Kirsten’s hand and was currently standing in front of her, head hung low and shifting from foot to foot, as if he didn’t quite know what to do next.
“Let’s go home, sweetie. It’s freezing out here. You don’t even have to talk,” she promised. Ryan’s head shot up at that, and Kirsten laughed softly as she started to pull him towards the car, walking backwards to continue to face him.
“Whoah, there, I’m not saying you won’t have to talk *ever*, but definitely not tonight,” she clarified. Sandy saw the glimmer of a smile on his lips as he looked up and made brief eye contact with Seth and Sandy over her shoulder.
“I knew it was too good to be true,” Ryan joked, and Sandy frowned for a moment as he saw something slide in place behind Ryan’s eyes. Was it a façade? He didn’t think so, but… It was almost like an additional layer of protection had suddenly come into play, as if he’d finally regrouped enough not to be so vulnerable in front of his foster family.
“Let’s get you warmed up,” Sandy said as it became clear Kirsten had everything under control and led Seth back to the car.
“Praise Moses!” Seth said loudly and sprinted towards the Lexus.
“There are towels on the passenger seat,” Kirsten called out, finally confident enough to turn forward as she drew Ryan towards them.
“Dude, check out this blessed nirvana,” Seth said as he reappeared from reaching into the car and threw a towel towards Ryan, who caught it easily. He closed his eyes gratefully for a moment as he pressed the warm cloth against his face, then began to briskly dry off.
“Thanks,” Ryan said gratefully, trying in vain to wring out some of the water from his shirt. Seth, on the other hand, had piled into the car without bothering to try to towel off, soaking wet and with the beach towel hugged to his body to try to warm up.
“Don’t worry about drying off, just get in where it’s warm,” Kirsten instructed Ryan and walked around the car to get into the passenger seat.
“Besides, Seth’s getting enough water on the seats for all of us,” Sandy teased, pointing just in time for Ryan to watch Seth shake his head like a dog.
“Seth Ezekiel!” Kirsten cried out indignantly, and Sandy smiled widely at the chuckle he heard as Ryan piled in as well.
“What? I had to dry off. You don’t want me to catch pneumonia, do you?” Seth asked dramatically as Sandy slid in and directed all the heater vents toward the back seat. He felt his heart swell with gratitude as Kirsten’s hand found his discretely once he put the car in gear and headed home. They weren’t out of the woods yet.
So, here is at least part of chapter 4, and might end up being all of it for now, even though it's a little short. I hope you enjoy! Thanks to
helen_c and beachtree (who's been asking since January - that's how slow I am! *g* ) for reminding me you're still waiting, and thanks brandywine421 for the table info and the help! Cheers!Skeletons in the Closet - Chapter 4
“Hello? Dad? I’m still with him,” were the first things Seth said when he finally called in about an hour later.
“Why didn’t you call sooner?” Sandy asked after heaving a sigh of relief. The fact that Ryan had allowed Seth to stick with him said a lot, especially considering the state he’d left the house in.
Sandy had finally gotten rid of the F.B.I. agents after extracting as much information out of them as he could – not that they’d given him a lot to go on. The moment they left, he’d also called the private investigator he’d hired with a whole new list of priorities and a scheduled meeting for the next day to bring him up to speed.
“How is he?” Sandy asked his son as he ran a hand through his hair anxiously, scrubbing at his scalp absently in distracted frustration. He’d been trying Seth’s phone every ten minutes for the last hour, all the while thumbing restlessly through the folders he’d pulled from his safe. Included were all the reports from Child Services and all Sandy had received on Ryan when he still worked in the public defender’s offices. He kept trying to find clues that he must have missed when he’d first looked through them.
“I… I don’t know. He puked a lot at first, but he seems to be better now. Don’t tell mom, but he bought a couple of packs of cigarettes and seems content to try to smoke them all in one night.”
“Where are they?” Kirsten asked from the doorway. Of course she’d overheard him talking to Seth.
“Where are you?” Sandy asked into the phone.
“We’re down at the pier right now,” Seth answered, and Sandy repeated for his wife.
“It’s raining, Sandy, and it’s been cold all day. They shouldn’t be out in this,” Kirsten said. When Sandy began to repeat her words, Seth interrupted.
“I heard. Trust me, I’m trying.” His conversation was stilted, and Sandy realized Seth was being careful not to say too much because Ryan was still within earshot.
“Should we come down?” Sandy asked then frowned when he realized Kirsten was already putting on a raincoat and pulling the cinch tight at her waist.
“I don’t know, dad, he’s…” Seth began softly, but was cut off when Kirsten took the phone out of Sandy’s hand.
“We’re on our way. Don’t move,” Kirsten said, staring into Sandy’s eyes. He nodded and grabbed a jacket of his own. The Kirsten was making executive decisions again, and he was grateful for it, as he had no idea how to approach Ryan at the moment.
“Mom, he’s really jumpy, and…” Sandy could hear Seth begin to try to warn, but his mother broke in.
“It’s okay, honey. You’re doing great, and I know he’s probably smoking. We’ll be there to get you both in just a few minutes,” she said and hung the phone up.
Sandy had already grabbed the car keys and Kirsten’s purse by the time she handed the phone back to him. As they both headed towards the garage, she paused to pull a couple of beach towels from the dryer. She’d even thought to warm the towels. He was impressed.
“While you were talking to those men, I was making some calls of my own,” Kirsten announced as she slid into the passenger seat with the towels folded and sitting on her lap. Sandy started the engine up and backed out quickly. The sound of the wipers against the windshield oddly reminded him of New York.
“And?” Sandy prompted as he shifted into gear and drove to the pier. Even though it was just a few blocks away, it was miserable outside and poor Seth was undoubtedly hating every minute of it.
“We start interviewing therapists for Ryan tomorrow,” she said. He cringed at the thought.
Too many things were hitting Ryan at once, and he feared there’d come a point where Ryan stopped being a willing participant and shut everyone out completely. He’d done it before, to a lesser degree, with Oliver. He’d stopped trying to talk, stopped trying to explain, and just let all their words roll over him. Sandy refused to let that happen again.
The thing was, he’d seen Ryan in a variety of circumstances, but he’d never seen him this… Devastated. This vulnerable. And unfortunately, while the F.B.I. may have had a lot of information about bodies in a basement and the kids that had lived in that house in Fresno, virtually no light was being shed on what had happened there, and just what Ryan might know about it.
“There they are,” Kirsten said, patting Sandy’s arm and then pointing directly ahead. He didn’t even bother trying to find a parking spot; just left the car running with the heater turned up in the fire lane out front. He angled the Lexus so that the headlights illuminated the two boys clearly. He wanted nothing Ryan might reveal in his expressions hidden away by shadows. They needed all the help they could get trying to read him at this point.
Seth stood, bouncing on the balls of his feet a short distance behind Ryan, who was perched on the pier railings with his legs dangling off the edge. Kirsten’s breath hitched, and Sandy immediately reached out and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze as they approached them.
“Seth didn’t sound concerned, honey. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about,” he said.
“Ryan?” Kirsten called out as they drew closer.
Sandy watched Ryan quickly flick his cigarette over the side; as if she couldn’t see it. He couldn’t help but give a small smile at that. Kirsten missed nothing. Seth waved at them, and Sandy smiled wider as he took a good look at his son – soaking wet and utterly relieved to see his parents. It wasn’t something Seth revealed often, but made his heart swell each time he saw it.
“Hey,” Ryan said with a raspy voice, making Sandy cringe as it brought back too many memories of the first few days after he’d been released from the hospital, after Trey.
“Come on, sweetie,” she said, and reached out a hand as she approached Ryan.
Her steps weren’t hesitant, but Sandy could still see the anxiety in her movements as she tried to connect with her foster son. Sandy took off his coat and draped it around Seth’s shoulders. His son was visibly shivering in a drenched long sleeve shirt that hung heavily off of his frame. Seth took the coat gratefully from his dad and even allowed Sandy to hug him briefly as they both turned to watch Kirsten in action.
“Man, I’m glad to see you guys,” Seth whispered.
“We figured you could use the assist,” Sandy said quietly back. Seth shook his head wearily.
“Yeah, I’m completely out of my element with this. I mean, what the hell is going on?” he asked.
“A lot of this you’re going to need to get from Ryan, but trust me when I say that knowing what’s going on won’t help with this,” Sandy said and nodded towards his wife.
“Can you at least tell me what those guys want with Ryan?” Seth asked in a hushed voice.
“They think he may know something that could help them solve a crime,” Sandy replied then gripped Seth’s arm briefly in warning. “Let’s not talk about this right now, okay?”
“Right-o,” Seth said, then turned to face his dad directly. “Dad?”
“Yes?” Sandy asked, focusing his full attention on Seth. He looked like they’d just fished him out of the sea - his lips were trembling slightly, and Sandy realized it was because his teeth were chattering. He began to rub his hands up and down Seth’s arms to try to warm him up. This weather was bizarre. It was still summer, so where did the cold snap come from? He missed the days of El Nino. At least it was warm then.
“It’s pretty bad, isn’t it?”
“I’m pretty sure it is.”
“And it doesn’t have anything to do with Trey?” Seth pushed. Sandy shook his head and shot a glance at Ryan. Seth nodded reluctantly and turned to watch his mother. Ryan had taken Kirsten’s hand and was currently standing in front of her, head hung low and shifting from foot to foot, as if he didn’t quite know what to do next.
“Let’s go home, sweetie. It’s freezing out here. You don’t even have to talk,” she promised. Ryan’s head shot up at that, and Kirsten laughed softly as she started to pull him towards the car, walking backwards to continue to face him.
“Whoah, there, I’m not saying you won’t have to talk *ever*, but definitely not tonight,” she clarified. Sandy saw the glimmer of a smile on his lips as he looked up and made brief eye contact with Seth and Sandy over her shoulder.
“I knew it was too good to be true,” Ryan joked, and Sandy frowned for a moment as he saw something slide in place behind Ryan’s eyes. Was it a façade? He didn’t think so, but… It was almost like an additional layer of protection had suddenly come into play, as if he’d finally regrouped enough not to be so vulnerable in front of his foster family.
“Let’s get you warmed up,” Sandy said as it became clear Kirsten had everything under control and led Seth back to the car.
“Praise Moses!” Seth said loudly and sprinted towards the Lexus.
“There are towels on the passenger seat,” Kirsten called out, finally confident enough to turn forward as she drew Ryan towards them.
“Dude, check out this blessed nirvana,” Seth said as he reappeared from reaching into the car and threw a towel towards Ryan, who caught it easily. He closed his eyes gratefully for a moment as he pressed the warm cloth against his face, then began to briskly dry off.
“Thanks,” Ryan said gratefully, trying in vain to wring out some of the water from his shirt. Seth, on the other hand, had piled into the car without bothering to try to towel off, soaking wet and with the beach towel hugged to his body to try to warm up.
“Don’t worry about drying off, just get in where it’s warm,” Kirsten instructed Ryan and walked around the car to get into the passenger seat.
“Besides, Seth’s getting enough water on the seats for all of us,” Sandy teased, pointing just in time for Ryan to watch Seth shake his head like a dog.
“Seth Ezekiel!” Kirsten cried out indignantly, and Sandy smiled widely at the chuckle he heard as Ryan piled in as well.
“What? I had to dry off. You don’t want me to catch pneumonia, do you?” Seth asked dramatically as Sandy slid in and directed all the heater vents toward the back seat. He felt his heart swell with gratitude as Kirsten’s hand found his discretely once he put the car in gear and headed home. They weren’t out of the woods yet.
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Wonderful, quillscribe!
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*snorts* I keep coming back to how Sandy thought he and Ryan were so similar - he must not have paying as much attention as he thought, at least regarding their backgrounds. Apples and oranges.
I love that Seth *is* that bright, and that, as selfish as he is in so many ways, he also has the capacity to really be there when he needs to be. He just has to want to try.
Thank you! :-D
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Lovely update. Ryan's fear and confusion is palpable and yay for Kirsten taking the initiative and being wary with him, yet making it clear that she was there for him. I also think your Seth-voice is very in character, he followed Ryan and watched out for him, painfully aware that he was out of his element and the tender moment of discussion between him and his dad was wonderful.
Thanks for sharing!! Love this so much.
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*sighs* Alas, back when Kirsten acted like a mother...
It means a lot that you like the Seth voice - he's the hardest for me to write, as I don't want him to sound trite.
*g* I loved writing the moment between Seth and Sandy, because in so many ways Ryan is how those two were able to come together.
I'm so glad you liked it. I've had it on my hard drive for a while, and figured that it was enough to post on it's own, just to get it out there (and me committed to it, rather than editing it to death). ;-)
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I especially loved the interaction between Kirsten and Ryan: Her steps weren’t hesitant, but Sandy could still see the anxiety in her movements as she tried to connect with her foster son. Ryan had taken Kirsten’s hand and was currently standing in front of her, head hung low and shifting from foot to foot, as if he didn’t quite know what to do next. -- I'm definitely a sucker for those, because (sadly) the show doesn't deliver them nearly enough.
Wonderful chapter and looking forward to more, whenever you feel ready to share.
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I very much envision Kirsten as living by the 'fake it until you make it' sort of motto. She knows how she wants her relationship with Ryan to be, and until they're there, she'll continue to forge ahead for as long as he lets her... and he'll definitely let her, the poor boy! *g*
*headdesk* I know!!! There was so much magic in the first season, and sometimes it seems like the seasons since then have been mere echoes of what could have or should have been!
I promise to post when I've got enough to share, how's that? Thank you for commenting! ;-)
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Great details in this chapter and you cleverly incorporate them from a variety of perspectives. Not only do you add so much depth with all the nuances, but the extra dimension of how other characters observe and perceive specific gestures and behaviors. The result is a game within a game where a variety of interaction and reflection occurs on different levels.
The description and imagery of both the phone conversation and the exchange at the pier brings both settings fully to life. The dynamic between Sandy and Seth establishes just the right mood with worry, tension, confusion and a desperate uncertainty. The interplay between Sandy and Kirsten is right on target as they jockey for position and information. Kirsten slipping into that formerly familiar combination of executive and parental decisionmaking mode is necessary and reassuring. Having her with her own agenda as she attends to both Ryan's (and Seth's) physical and emotional well-being with the heated towels for the band-aid and the therapist for the bullet wound, complements Sandy's focus on the legal and factual components.
Great job with incorporating continuity by referencing how Ryan sounds in comparison to being choked by Trey and how he responded after their first real, truly damaging crisis of trust that first year. I'm glad Sandy, for all he wants to help Ryan, is also aware of how wary Ryan is of anything resembling even informal therapy. They aren't remotely prepared or equipped to be what he needs here, but they have to tread very carefully or risk causing more harm to Ryan personally and to their relationship.
I definitely got the impression that Kirsten was wearing her own most confident mask as she used more bravado than she felt when approaching Ryan. Whether she admits it to even herself, she is still battling the guilt of labeling, judging and rejecting him. She is still frightened of what she can't control and doesn't know. She's terrified by what may have happened to him and how it has and could still impact him. She's still intimidated by him and uncomfortable around him under the best of circumstances. Despite it all, she rises to the occasion, puts her fears and insecurities aside, and concentrates on connecting with him to convince herself that she hasn't lost him, he won't hurt himself or withdraw completely, and if she can calm him enough to lure him home, at least they'll all be under one roof.
Again you leave us hanging. I'm not buying that Ryan has coped, but managed to suppress what surfaced so surprisingly. He's rarely caught off guard, but this shook him to the core and reawakened memories and feelings from a place so deep that he needed time to compose his facade and regain the appearance of control. I'm not sure how the Cohens will proceed to find the right person to help Ryan, if they will agree, if Ryan will comply or if fate intervenes before that step, but I'm guessing you do- and in far less time now please!
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So, let's see. Yep, I just can't get enough of the Cohens + 1 dynamic, especially when they are out of their element. It makes for a nice switch when Sandy, Kirsten, and Seth are the outsiders looking in, since it's normally Ryan in that position.
I worried about the actions and transitions, so I'm glad that played out well. I love getting The Kirsten in the picture, as to me she is a different breed of cat than your normal Kirsten Cohen. She's kind of fascinating to me, considering how well she blends in to the Newport life, and yet talks so fondly of her time with Sandy in Northern California.
In a lot of ways, I suspect she felt very much like a fraud when she first started working for her father. After all, I've never really heard discussion of just what qualifications she had to do the job she did, yet when we first met her, there was never any doubt - she was obviously good at it. In a lot of ways, she shares a chameleon-like quality with Ryan, and I especially like to play that up between her *and* him.
I adore how well meaning all the Cohens are, and yet still miss the mark a lot of the time, as evidenced by Oliver and even Trey. Ryan sent all the signals he could, and Sandy just blithely missed them all.
Sometimes I still feel like Ryan's a complete alien to them. For all that they know about his past, there's a lot not said as well. Lots of boyfriends - mom's an alcoholic - things sometimes got abusive just really doesn't span a childhood. That we never get the details is something that, to me, make it seem like that much more.
So... Thanks again for your kind words and gentle hints that you still wanted to know where this story was going. It's why I posted what I had. I'm glad you liked it, and think it's pretty safe to say the next part will definitely come sooner than this last one did, and come to think of it, I can shoot you an email when I post, just to let you know, if you like (I still have the one from January). Cheers!
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You not only capture the dynamic, but portray everyone in character even with this twist. Right now, the Cohens are the outsiders are the fringe of Ryan's world and this one event should be a real wake up call. They may have never imagined anything like this being a part of Ryan's past, but as I've always contended and you stress as well, they don't know all that much about him. I'm not sure if they want to adopt the tabula rasa approach, believing it's not just easier and less painful for Ryan, but preferable for them all to concentrate on bonding, building a family and moving forward. As you say, they so often miss the mark and we all know from cliche fest that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. They're doing him no favors by not findint a non-threatening way to discuss his past, to at least encourage even casual mentions or revelations on occasion. Their reaction to him at the first Chrismukkah and at his birthday would be enough for him to remain silent forever. They may know an overview, but little more than anyone reading a file would learn. Compared to Seth, he's a stranger to them and they've let that status continue. He takes his cues from them.
I agree that there are many similarities between Kirsten and Ryan, ones that are beneath the obvious and superficial. Their coloring and demeanor make them seem more mother and son than she and Seth are by far. Ryan has obviously lost his family, friends, connection to shared history- his whole world really. So much attention is paid to all he's gained, but not the price he's paid. Kirsten would have been an outsider in a much less severe and more typical manner while in Berkeley, but she would know the experience of being out of her element, although her environment had been a protected enclave. There is a commonality. I think she would have felt the need to adapt, pretend, placate and a tremendous pressure not to disappoint while conforming, performing and producing at the Newport Group. That would parallel some of the stress Ryan felt in terms of being on display in the Newport bubble. The difference would be it was only one aspect of her life. Other than professionally, until she learned the ropes and got past the underqualified/nepotism obstacle, she would have been very comfortable.
I also wonder if Sandy was at the P.D.'s office in Northern California and if he had contacts or had ever been inland to the Fresno area. His path could have crossed with Ryan's or the Atwoods. At the very least, he could still have contacts in place.
The transitions are all seamless and the interaction is very realistic. I was sorry to see the stopping point because I felt as if we were just getting to something important. I didn't expect Ryan to respond to them verbally, not that he would resist them. Some of that seems slightly off, in retrospect. I'm wondering if he just wanted to have space and then didn't know what to do next. I just hope they're very thorough about exploring therapy, don't force him and try to find a gentle way to engage him in even casual conversation. They have no idea what they're dealing with and can't come across as having the answers.
I should see if I've friended you. I thought I did!
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Truthfully, Johnny really annoyed the heck out of me because in a lot of ways it seemed like he was supposed to be a mini-Ryan (at least to Marissa, I guess), and I was amazed that anyone could think that.
I love your point about how much Ryan has lost along the way. That was beautifully put, and I absolutely agree that too much emphasis is made on what Ryan's *gained*. It seems like the Cohens keep taking the easy way out by glossing over the hard parts of Ryan's life, and it kills me when I see it. In my experience, ignoring a thing does nothing to make it go away - it just makes it worse instead.
Don't worry. Ryan's not reaching out already. He's just regrouped. I tried to convey that here:
Good point about connections through either the PD's office or his time in Northern CA... I like that a lot. Thanks! ;-)
Yeah, the next part is a bit harder, and been revised in approach quite a few times, so you're very right. He's not falling apart as badly in front of the Cohens, but how much has he hidden from himself as well that he now has to examine? *g* I'll post as soon as I've got something that somewhat resembles a decent read. Honest.
Is it wrong to confess that I had no idea what a tabula rasa was until I got into fanfiction? I first heard it in regards to HP, and what a fascinating concept it is. Love it!
Thanks for the ideas and the insight, as always! It makes me feel better to know that there are others out there, like myself, who analyze well beyond what the television writers probably ever intended. I can't but love the devil in the details. :-D
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Don't even get me started on "J." You'll notice I cannot type his or "M's" name. It's that painful. If there were a way to edit him out of DVDs, I'd do it. I never saw any similarity between Ryan and him. Other than a background that wasn't middle class and a single parent family, there was nothing. Ryan came from poverty, not just middle, albeit lower-middle class. Ryan may have had the same sort of father as "J," but Ryan's mother never held it together and contributed to Ryan getting hurt. Not the case with whats his name. Intelligence, morals, drive, selflessness, courage, self-reliance all go to Ryan. End of rant.
I'd wondered if you'd considered the Northern California angle since they all would have been in at least the same part of the state simultaneously. Sort of an interesting coincidence that has never been used in canon.
It disappoints me, frustrates me and angers me that the Cohens profess to care about Ryan, but don't make moves to accept him, only an idea or image of who they want him to be. The send the message that he should deny, forget or be ashamed of what came before and their inability to cope when he mentions any part of his past shuts him out. If they don't try to integrate past and present, he never will and they're showing and telling him how to proceed. Huge disservice.
I get what you're saying about Ryan finding a facade again after briefly losing composure. Wherever he had those memories, he thought they were locked away and resolved. Now so much has been thrown into question.
Guilty as charged with the analysis. I know sometimes I start typing, even with the uni-claw for six more weeks, and it just flows. I even vowed to stay away from the Ryan thread at TWoP, but that didn't last!
Anyway, great stuff and sorry for poking the pinata!
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OMG. You crack me up. I completely agree with you. M is a total waste of space as well!
I can't watch The O.C. live. I have to record it so I can skip through certain parts... Namely the majority with M (and then J, later) in them.
I hadn't actually thought about the No CA aspect, just because of the fact they were in school at the time, but it makes a lot of sense. Of course, Fresno is more central in CA, but the premise still works. It's an awesome idea. Thanks!
You are preaching to the choir! Truthfully, I think it's what attracted me to The OC in the first place - it's the same thing that drew me in to HP.
That is to say, that a kid could be good and decent, and yet still come from a horrible place, and that the people in his life who profess to care from him still miss the mark in so many ways (HP - Dumbledore regarding Harry and and his life with the Dursleys: OC - Ryan's past and how the Cohens respond to both it and him).
Exactly. People have a tendency to bury painful memories, or at least look at them in such a way as to hopefully make them less damaging. Whatever Ryan's filed away will have to be re-dealt with, and that is never a simple or quick process.
Uni-claw, what a term! *g* For six more weeks? You poor thing! :-( Hang in there!
No worries about the dialog - it's fun. Love the term poking the pinata though! I think I'll have to co-opt it! I certainly do it enough! ;-)
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Please don't mention the initial anorectic scene killers- ever. It's too painful.
I know Fresno and the Bay Area aren't exactly adjacent, but there are interesting possibilities by having them at least in the same general region at the same time, if you so choose.
I agree Sandy and Kirsten mean well and even believe they are doing the best for Ryan, but I wonder if they realize how far short they have fallen in terms of neglecting him- period- for about a year and a half and for failing to address his emotional needs from day one. They have the financial resources to do so since they are not equipped themselves. Sandy would have professional contacts he had worked with previously as well as the knowledge of what Ryan would need for a real support system. They profess to care about him. Somehow, despite all the means and the feelings, they have failed him severely. They haven't been involved or vigilant or attentive, never mind proactive. He can't even mention the time before Newport in a casual way without them freezing. He'll never integrate his past with that kind of reception and lack of encouragement. It's so sad they can't accept him not just on their terms. While Ryan would bury the most painful memories, especially those from when he was so young and even more so if no one in his life had knowledge of them or shared in them, since any type of reference to pre-Newport receives such an unwelcome and unsetting response, he's only suppressing and subliminating more. For the Cohens to face something like this with Ryan will be a real test. They've pushed everything they've chosen to ignore aside already.
Yeah, the uni-claw is frustrating! Slow going with typing.
Feel free to borrow the lingo. Others do! Don't make me poke the pinata again...
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I particularly loved this moment: “Ryan?” Kirsten called out as they drew closer. Sandy watched Ryan quickly flick his cigarette over the side; as if she couldn’t see it. He couldn’t help but give a small smile at that. Kirsten missed nothing. Seth waved at them, and Sandy smiled wider as he took a good look at his son – soaking wet and utterly relieved to see his parents. It wasn’t something Seth revealed often, but made his heart swell each time he saw it. It's a little microcosm of the Cohens+1 (at least as we fondly remember them from season 1): Ryan combining both defensiveness and respect by throwing away the cigarette; Kirsten, wary and watchful and protective all at once: Seth, realizing the gift that he has in his family; Sandy, mentally embracing them all, wanting to keep them all safe and together.
I'm very glad that you're going on with this. It's well worth the wait.
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Yep, the Cohens+1 dynamic is what hooked me from the beginning. I miss it so! They are all so individual and quirky and yet work so well as a family unit. It makes the viewer *want* Ryan to be a part of that, as it is clear how much it can (and still does) help heal both Ryan and the Cohens.
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the part you quoted to Beach,
“I knew it was too good to be true,” Ryan joked, and Sandy frowned for a moment as he saw something slide in place behind Ryan’s eyes. Was it a façade? He didn’t think so, but… It was almost like an additional layer of protection had suddenly come into play, as if he’d finally regrouped enough not to be so vulnerable in front of his foster family. Struck me as I read. Very good insight, layers of protection indeed, and Kirsten planning therapy, hmm, perhaps Sandy, who had doubts already will talk her out of it?
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Yep, slowly but surely I'm still plugging along! ;-)
It's always struck me how Ryan makes the Cohens second guess their own instinct... And by the time they finally decide to listen, it seems to do more damage than good. Time will tell whose instincts were better here. *g*
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I casually read the first 2 parts a few weeks ago, refreshed my memory tonight...and then got to Part 3...the minute the FBI agents were at the door, I sat up straighter and began reading faster. I was enthralled and gripped by fear. Normally I cringe at abuse fics, but this so drew me in. The comments about Ryan being 'off' made by Kirsten suddenly made sense. And of course his need for therapy has been obvious in fic and in canon since S1.
I am now hoping that you will not let as much time pass between updates as I need to know what happened! You have so skillfully woven canon angst into this tale of horror, and your character voices ring true. Your Seth is both bouncey and caring, and stretching his nurturing bonds with Ryan. Kirsten and Sandy feel fully fleshed out as I have not seen them since S1 (I keep going back to that!) And I so agree with beachtree that the less 'M' we have, the better life is. Ryan...what can we say about hurt/covert/troubled Ryan? I hope he trusts Mama Kirsten and lets her help him.
Looking forward eagerly to the next update.
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Lord yes does that boy need therapy! He's needed it since the beginning! ;-)
I will definitely not let as much time pass between updates. I am *so* glad you think the character's voices ring true. It's the thing that makes it vintage OC - if I failed with how I presented the characters, then it could be anyone, and I enjoy the Cohens+1 dynamic entirely too much to want that to happen!
You are preaching to the choir! What on earth does anyone see in that girl?!
Seth is, I think, the hardest to capture, so it means a lot that you like him.
You've definitely got what I liked best about Sandy and Kirsten, too. I love that they were a team. They didn't need conflict. Their unity was a novelty in prime time, and all the more precious for how well it played on-screen.
As for h/c Ryan? Is there anything better? *g* Thanks for the feedback! :-D
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(Anonymous) 2007-03-03 07:46 am (UTC)(link)no subject
Of course, now I want to know what happened at that group home!! Poor Ryan, what was so terrible?
Are you planning on continuing this fic? It's so awesome, it'd be a shame to let it die...
Thanks for sharing and I repeat- AMAZING fic. So good!
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Still, Seth's sheltered life really is a great way to contrast to Ryan's history, especially since Seth so badly wants to understand that part of Ryan, and it's the part of his friend that is most hidden.
I am intending to finish the fic, but don't have a time line for it. I've been writing original fiction, something that's proven too daunting in the past, and am reluctant to go back to fan fiction just yet. I am very reluctant to give up on my momentum, especially since I want become a writer full-time.
Still, thank you so much for reading my story and commenting. I do have it all outlined, so no matter how much time I spend away from it, the thread is still there waiting for me to pick it up. ;-)
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And I have to beg - please continue this.
Don't DAWN this story. *pleading puppy dog eyes*
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I have it all outlined, but I've been writing an original story instead. I do feel badly that I haven't followed up, and intend to do so at some point, but am afraid to delve back into fan fiction since I have *finally* been able to write my own story.
That has been a huge block for me. It's easy for me to get deeply attached to established characters. It's creating that history and depth myself that has felt daunting (building on an already established foundation is like crack for me).
Truthfully, there are several stories I would love to finish. I have both a Harry Potter and Supernatural story that also have plotlines I feel are solid and worth exploring (as well as SinC, of course).
It's just I've finally got momentum, and am afraid to give it up just yet.
I love the term *DAWN* this story, though. *dies* I haven't forgotten, and don't *intend* to let it hang forever. It's just I really want to be a published author, and that's been my priority.
Thank you for rereading it! I'm rather fond of it myself. The show never presented Ryan as considering group or foster homes as an option for him, and that was always something I felt was worth exploring. Of course, I'm really good at taking that to the worst case scenario. ;-)
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