![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I work in Cubeville USA. Grey walls, flourescent lights - my office is really part of a warehouse that's been converted into smaller divisions. Sales, I.T., H.R., Manufacturing... When something's going on, you'll see heads pop up over cube walls like little prairie dogs sniffing the air for danger.
We have no idea what the weather's like until we all run out to the loading doc to peak through the windows on the giant garage doors.
We thrive and perish by Dilbertisms. Brilliant ideas carried out included laying off the cleaning staff and having everyone clean out their own trash, etc. While entertaining to watch the VPs toting trash, when you figure their hourly rates, by the time we were done, the cleaning staff was cheaper. Thankfully, that was short lived.
We once, at a comanywide meeting, hade our then-CEO belay from the rafters. Sadly, the company would have done better had he slipped.
I've learned there are certain things one must apply to survive in such a world, and wish to share some with you. Here are just a few:
1. When a boss is foolish enough to ask you to review your own job performance - Don't be honest! If they're too lazy to do it, then they deserve what they get. It is the height of arrogance to ask you to tear yourself apart. Don't do it. They don't pay you enough anyway. Remind yourself what your C.E.O. gets paid, and paint a picture that has you walking on water.
2. Resumes are not honest. If you're playing fair, then you're out of the game. Truthfully, I even suspect resumes are rated at least partially on creativity. Take descriptiveness to a new level. Secretary becomes Executive Assistant. Calling for cabs can be labelled as travel coordinating. You get the idea.
3. This tip is directed more towards women than men, and something it's taken me a long time to realize. Be firm with answers, even if you aren't sure. The moment you add "I think" or "I'm fairly sure" to your answer, you've blown your own credibility. Act confident, and people are more likely to be confident in you. The reverse also applies. The moment you soften your answer (a trait women seem to do more often), bosses look to whomever is sure. Even if it's the suck-up who really has no idea.
4. Don't be shy when speaking of your own accomplishments. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and you'd be shocked to learn just how many people coast on other's accomplishments. If you don't take credit for your own work, there's at least a 50/50 chance someone else will. It's a balancing act, of course, to not sound like you're blowing your own horn while blowing your own horn, but blow you must. You must look out for your own self-interests, because it is a rare and endangered company where someone else will.
5. This leads to how to survive in the corporate world and be a mini-hero. While it may not always be strategically smart, it's always better to own up to your mistakes and try to fix them rather than denying they happened at all. If you have the guts to own up to mistakes, people won't forget it... And are less likely to create an annoying nickname that will follow you into infamy.
On that note, let me introduce you to some cube toys for the day. That's right. Meet Plush Microbes. So the next time your cube-neighbor sneezes into their phone, use your Plush Microbe as a puppet to prevent face-to-face interaction while you sanitize your desk. :-D
We have no idea what the weather's like until we all run out to the loading doc to peak through the windows on the giant garage doors.
We thrive and perish by Dilbertisms. Brilliant ideas carried out included laying off the cleaning staff and having everyone clean out their own trash, etc. While entertaining to watch the VPs toting trash, when you figure their hourly rates, by the time we were done, the cleaning staff was cheaper. Thankfully, that was short lived.
We once, at a comanywide meeting, hade our then-CEO belay from the rafters. Sadly, the company would have done better had he slipped.
I've learned there are certain things one must apply to survive in such a world, and wish to share some with you. Here are just a few:
1. When a boss is foolish enough to ask you to review your own job performance - Don't be honest! If they're too lazy to do it, then they deserve what they get. It is the height of arrogance to ask you to tear yourself apart. Don't do it. They don't pay you enough anyway. Remind yourself what your C.E.O. gets paid, and paint a picture that has you walking on water.
2. Resumes are not honest. If you're playing fair, then you're out of the game. Truthfully, I even suspect resumes are rated at least partially on creativity. Take descriptiveness to a new level. Secretary becomes Executive Assistant. Calling for cabs can be labelled as travel coordinating. You get the idea.
3. This tip is directed more towards women than men, and something it's taken me a long time to realize. Be firm with answers, even if you aren't sure. The moment you add "I think" or "I'm fairly sure" to your answer, you've blown your own credibility. Act confident, and people are more likely to be confident in you. The reverse also applies. The moment you soften your answer (a trait women seem to do more often), bosses look to whomever is sure. Even if it's the suck-up who really has no idea.
4. Don't be shy when speaking of your own accomplishments. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and you'd be shocked to learn just how many people coast on other's accomplishments. If you don't take credit for your own work, there's at least a 50/50 chance someone else will. It's a balancing act, of course, to not sound like you're blowing your own horn while blowing your own horn, but blow you must. You must look out for your own self-interests, because it is a rare and endangered company where someone else will.
5. This leads to how to survive in the corporate world and be a mini-hero. While it may not always be strategically smart, it's always better to own up to your mistakes and try to fix them rather than denying they happened at all. If you have the guts to own up to mistakes, people won't forget it... And are less likely to create an annoying nickname that will follow you into infamy.
On that note, let me introduce you to some cube toys for the day. That's right. Meet Plush Microbes. So the next time your cube-neighbor sneezes into their phone, use your Plush Microbe as a puppet to prevent face-to-face interaction while you sanitize your desk. :-D
